Sticks For Sale
Skit

 

Action

[enter Head scientist]
Head Scientist: I am very close to finishing my very important experiment. All I need now is some plutonium; but plutonium costs a lot of money and I don't have any left. Hey, I know, I'll sell sticks. [picks up 5 sticks] But wait, I'm too busy to sell sticks. I know, I'll have my lab assistant sell them. Oh (name of lab assistant), come here, I have a job for you.
[enter lab assistant]
Lab Assistant: Yes mister Head Scientist, What do you want me to do?
Head Scientist: I need money to buy Plutonium, so I want you to sell these sticks. [hands sticks to Lab Assistant]
Lab Assistant: How do I do that?
Head Scientist: Just say, "Sticks for sale," to everyone that comes by, okay.
Lab Assistant: Okay.
[exit Head Scientist]

Lab Assistant: Sticks for sale, sticks for sale
[enter Customer 1, from left. Lab Assistant runs up to him]
Lab Assistant: Sticks for sale! [eccentrically puts sticks in Customer 1's face]
Customer 1: Sticks? Well how much are they?
Lab Assistant: Um, [counts sticks] there's five of them
Customer 1: No, no, how much money do they cost?
Lab Assistant: Oh, sticks for sale.
Customer 1:ohhkay [starts inching away] I have to go (insert random verb and noun here; such as "peel eggplants") [runs off-stage]
Lab Assistant: But, sticks for sale [runs after customer 1 but stops just before going off-stage]
Lab Assistant: Sticks for sale [dishearteningly]

[enter Head Scientist]
Head Scientist: Well, did you sell any sticks?
Lab Assistant: No, I didn't.
Head Scientist: Why not? what happened?
Lab Assistant:Well, this funny-lookin' guy came by and I said sticks for sale, just like you said, but then he asked me a funny question.
Head Scientist: What funny question?
Lab Assistant: He said, “how much moneys are they.”
Head Scientist: If they ask how much money they cost then you say two [holds up 2 fingers] for five [holds up 5 fingers], or five [holds up 5 fingers] for ten [holds up 10 fingers].
Lab Assistant: Oh, okay. so I say two[holds up 2 fingers] for[holds up 4 fingers] five[holds up 5 fingers], or five [holds up 5 fingers] for[holds up 4 fingers] uhhh,[looks at hand full of sticks] hold these [hands sticks to Head Scientist] !ten [quickly holds up 10 fingers] give'em back! [takes sticks]
Head Scientist: Yeah, that's right. I have to go but I'll be back soon.
[exit Head Scientist]

Lab Assistant: Sticks for sale! [with new enthusiasm]
[enter Customer 2, from right. Lab Assistant runs up to him]
Lab Assistant: Sticks for sale! [eccentrically puts sticks in Customer 2's face]
Customer 2: Oh, how much are they?
Lab Assistant: Uhh, oh, I know this one. They're two[holds up 2 fingers] for[holds up 4 fingers] five[holds up 5 fingers], or five [holds up 5 fingers] for[holds up 4 fingers] uhhh,[looks at hand full of sticks] hold these [hands sticks to Customer 2] ten give'em back! [holds up 10 fingers quickly and takes back sticks].
Customer 2: are they any good?
Lab Assistant: Uhhh, sticks for sale.
Customer 2: what? that doesn't make sense.
Lab assistant: Uhhh, two for five and five for ten.
Customer 2: right, uhhh [starts inching towards exit] I have to go (insert different random verb and noun). [runs off-stage]
Lab Assistant: but, sticks for sale [runs after customer 2 but stops just before going off-stage]
Lab Assistant: sticks for sale [dishearteningly]

[enter Head Scientist]
Head Scientist: Well, did you sell any sticks?
Lab Assistant: No, I didn't
Head Scientist: Why not this time?
Lab Assistant: Well, this funny-smellin' guy came by and I said sticks for sale, just like you said, and then he asked how much are they and I said two for five and five for ten, just like you said, but then he asked me another funny question.
Head Scientist: What funny question did he ask you?
Lab Assistant: He said, are they any good.
Head Scientist: Look, if they ask, are they any good, then you say, some are and some are not, okay
Lab Assistant: Okay!
[exit Head Scientist]

Lab Assistant: Sticks for sale! [with new enthusiasm]
[enter Customer 3, from left. Lab Assistant runs up to him]
Lab Assistant: Sticks for sale! [eccentrically puts sticks in Customer 3's face]
Customer 3: How much are they?
Lab Assistant: They're two[holds up 2 fingers] for[holds up 4 fingers] five[holds up 5 fingers], or five [holds up 5 fingers] for[holds up 4 fingers] uhhh,[looks at hand full of sticks] hold these [hands sticks to Customer 3] ten give'em back! [quickly holds up 10 fingers then takes back sticks].
Customer 3: Are they any good?
Lab Assistant: Uhh, oh, I know this one. Some are and some are not.
Customer 3: Well I see people selling sticks all the time. Why should I buy them from you?
Lab Assistant: Uhhh, sticks for sale
Customer 3: That doesn't make any sense.
Lab Assistant: Two for five and five for ten.[desperately] Some are, some aren't!
Customer 3: [inches towards exit] I have to go (insert different random verb and noun). [runs off-stage]
Lab Assistant: But, sticks for sale [runs after customer 3 but stops just before going off-stage]
Lab Assistant: sticks for sale [dishearteningly]

[enter Head Scientist]
Head Scientist: Did you sell any sticks?
Lab Assistant: No, [looking down] I didn't
Head Scientist: What? What happened this time?
Lab Assistant:Well, this funny-soundin' guy came by and I said sticks for sale, just like you said, and then he asked how much are they and I said two for five and five for ten, just like you said, then he asked, are they any good, and I said some are and some are not, but then he asked me another funny question.
Head Scientist: What funny question did he ask you this time?
Lab Assistant: He said, why should I buy them from you.
Head Scientist: When they ask, why should I buy them from you, you say, “If you don't, somebody else will.” got it?
Lab Assistant: yeah, I think I got it.
Head Scientist: Okay, I have a few things to take care of now.
[exit Head Scientist]

Lab Assistant: sticks for sale! [with new enthusiasm]
[enter Customer 4, from right, holding object. Lab Assistant runs up to him]
Lab Assistant: Sticks for sale! [eccentrically puts sticks in Customer 4's face and accidentally knocks object out of his hands]
Customer 4: [angrily] Do you know how much that cost me!?!
Lab Assistant: Oh, I know this one. They're two[holds up 2 fingers] for[holds up 4 fingers] five[holds up 5 fingers], or five [holds up 5 fingers] for[holds up 4 fingers] uhhh, [looks at hand full of sticks] hold these [hands sticks to Customer 4] ten give'em back! [holds up 10 fingers quickly and takes back the sticks].
Customer 4: [more angrily] Is your whole family like this!?!
Lab Assistant: Oh, I know this one too. Some are and some are not.
Customer 4: [even more angrily] Give me one good reason why me and my posse [enter all customers and posse members] shouldn't beat you up.
Lab Assistant: Hey, I know this one again. If you don't, somebody else will. Aaaagh!!
Customer 4: !get him! [all chase Lab Assistant off-stage].

Equipment

4 or 5 sticks, object (can be anything that you can pretend is valuable: pocket watch, pen, wooden notebook [also known as a wood board], tin can, leaf, you get the idea).

Preparation

Characters: Head Scientist, Lab assistant(ignorant eccentricity, excessive gesticulation, and a funny accent is preferred; but be careful not to sound like a special needs person as this may offend some people and that's never good), Customer 1, Customer 2, Customer 3, Customer 4, and maybe a couple posse members(optional).

Skit ContributorWaldo from camp CSI, in UT

Score

How would you rate this item?

Click here to report possible copyright violations.

Find Skits

Contain the word

Were entered

Editor's Picks only