Asst. Cubmaster gets the Pack's attention and asks everyone to be seated for the opening flag ceremony. However, the meeting does not actually start with the flag ceremony. When everyone is seated and quiet, Asst. Cubmaster gives the sign to start the music.
Start music ("Leader of the Pack" - 50's song) - Wait, let music continue for five to ten seconds…Troop 1688 Boy Scouts ride in on their bikes, single file, 5 feet apart, wearing blue jeans, black T-shirts, and baseball caps turned backwards. Boys are welcome to wear sunglasses, chains, and anything else that might make them look like bikers. Boys circle the auditorium around the tables (orderly and not too fast). They circle again. Eventually, the Cubmaster enters the auditorium on a large tricycle (also dressed like a biker). If you cannot find a large trike, a small one will do. Cubmaster also circles the auditorium with boys (one more time) and comes to a stop at the front of the stage where the podium would normally be. All boys stop at this time as well. They should be evenly spaced completely circling the audience (around the tables). Music fades.
Cubmaster: Good evening Pack 1688! Its my pleasure to be here with guys. In case you've haven't figures it out yet…I'm the leader of the pack. They don't call me the big Kahoona for nothing, you know! And these (motioning to all the boys on bikes)…And these…Well, these guys…they're my associates. Boys, say hello to Pack 1688.
Boy Scouts: (mumbling, grumbling, and unenthusiastic) Hello Pack 1688.
Cubmaster: Yeah, we're a pretty cool bunch. (act like Barney Fife) Yep. No doubt about it. We've been places. We've seen it all…We know where we're going and we get there in style.
Cubmaster and the boys get off their bikes simultaneously (Boys should watch Cubmaster…and not get off their bikes until Cubmaster does so). Cubmaster and boys stay near bikes but act cool (flex muscles, adjust sunglasses, pull on belts, fix hair, etc.).
Cubmaster: Tell em boys. Are we cool or not!?
Boy Scouts: Oh yeah, we're cool. Very cool! (all sorts of other comments from the boys telling everyone how cool they are). This continues for about 15 seconds until Cubmaster interrupts…
Cubmaster Okay already! (gesturing with arms to be quiet)… Yes, we're cool!
Boy Scouts: (Boys start up again)…Oh yeah, we're cool! (all sorts of other comments from the boys telling everyone how cool they are). Again, this continues for about 10 seconds until Cubmaster interrupts…
Cubmaster: I said stop! Enough already! They know you're cool! OKAY! (looking a little flustered and gesturing with arms to be quiet…After recomposing himself, Cubmaster walks towards tables, shaking his head up and down). Yes, we're cool! (gives a stern look to the bikers so that they won't start up again) Real cool! We know it! You know it! Everybody knows it! (pause)…You want to know why we're cool??!…I'll tell you why. (Cubmaster, takes off his goggles, helmet and gloves…walks around and acts cool)…..Puff up chest and act as if you're cool.
Cool…no doubt about it…But what makes us cool…You think its this leather jacket and these cool clothes? (shaking head up and down, wait for audience to answer and look out into crowd).
Biker: Big Kahoona! Big Kahoona! You're not wearing a leather jacket!
Cubmaster: Oh! Well…that's not really important (pause)…It looks like leather.
Biker: Big Kahoona….It doesn't really look like leather either. In fact, it doesn't even look like a jacket!
Cubmaster: It doesn't matter! Okay, already!…I'm not wearing a leather jacket!…They get the point! (staring at Biker and looking very irritated).
Biker: (looking sheepish) Sorry Big Kahoona.
Cubmaster: Good. Now…where were we? Cool…What makes us cool?…Perhaps we're cool because of these mean, lean machines that we ride! Maybe its these high power hogs…These fuel injected, gas burning, two wheel motorcycle machines…You think!!! Maybe that's why we're so cool!
Biker: Big Kahoona! Big Kahoona! We're not riding motor cycles. We have never rode motor cycles. In fact, we don't even know how to ride motor cycles. (Look at Cubmaster).
Cubmaster: (long pause as you look at Biker very irritated) Are you done?!
Biker: Almost, Big Kahoona…One more thing…(pause)
Cubmaster: Sarcastically…Please! Tell me more!
Biker: Your motorcycle…(pause)
Cubmaster: Yes?! (more irritated)
Biker: It has three wheels. Its not even a bicycle…It's a TRI-cycle! (kind of laugh/snort as you inform me of this).
Cubmaster: Okay! Enough! We're not riding motorcycles! Are you happy?!
Biker: Sorry Big Kahoona. (looking sheepish again)
Cubmaster: Can I continue…? May I!
Biker: Looks down to the ground and doesn't say anything.
Cubmaster: Thank you…As I was saying…We are cool….But why? Why? Why? Why? There are so many possibilities…But there is one reason that is above all other reasons. It's the BIG KAHOONA of all reasons for our coolness…Do you have any idea what it is? (slight pause)…Perhaps, it's our boyish good looks…Now there's a possibility!
Biker: Big Kahoona! Big Kahoona!
Cubmaster: (Hold up your hands) Don't even say it!
Biker: Say what, Big Kahoona?
Cubmaster: Don't say - We're not good looking!
Biker: Oh no, Big Kahoona! I'd never say that! We are good looking! We're very good looking! (pause)...Extremely good looking!
Cubmaster: Yes. Yes. I know…
Biker: But you Big Kahoona…YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD LOOKING! Let's face it, you're so ugly…you can make a grown man cry with one stare…
Cubmaster: What are you talking about! (Cubmaster stares angrily at Biker)
Biker: (Biker sees the stare coming from Cubmaster and reacts, he starts to cry)….Yeah, that's the one…That's the look. (Biker drops down to his knees and covers his eyes) Please BIG KAHOONA, stop it…Big Kahoona, think of the children in the room. They shouldn't be exposed to something that ugly! I'm sorry Big Kahoona…I won't interrupt you again.
Cubmaster: Alright! Stop begging…It's un-cool! Get up and stay away from me…
Biker: Yes Big Kahoona…Sorry Big Kahoona…Thank you, Big Kahoona.
Cubmaster: (Shaking his head side to side)…Where did I find this guy?! (look up) I try to be good leader. What did I do wrong? I'm sorry…Where were we?…What was the question again? Oh yeah, what makes us so cool?! (pause). You want to know what makes us so cool? (wait for audience reaction)…I said - YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT MAKES US SO COOOL! (again, wait for audience reaction). Okay, we'll tell you! Boys, tell Pack 1688, what makes us so cool…
Boy Scouts: (All boys pull off their baseball caps and put on their troop caps. All boys shout out together the Troop 1688 Cheer…Pick someone to lead - Justin?) 1688! 1688! The only troop that's really great is 1688! one! six! eight! eight! We're the best from state to state! one! six! eight! eight! We're the troop that's really great!
Cubmaster: Now that's what makes us cool!
Music starts - "Born to be Wild"
Boy Scouts and Cubmaster mount their bikes and ride out in an orderly fashion…The same way they came in. Boys leave room and take their bikes outside of the school…
Bikes for each boyscout, trike for Cubmaster, biker costumes (goggles, gloves, helmet, chains, etc.), baseball caps and scout hats for each biker. Required music - "Leader of the Pack" and "Born to be Wild". Boombox or sound system.
To be performed at a pack meeting by boyscouts (preferably the troop is the "sister" organization of the pack). Should rehearse the skit once at a troop meeting before performing it at the pack.
Skit ContributorMichael Kohout
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