Ruby Mae Bagonia
Skit

 

Action

Music starts.  
 
Billy Bob and Bobby Joe come out, looking like hicks with shotguns and buckets (and scripts of course). Bobby Joe also has a jug and some cups. Place buckets in middle of room upside down. Billy Bob and Bobby Joe sit down (facing opposite directions so kids can see from all sides). Hold shotguns with one hand and scripts with the other.  
 
Billy Bob: Bobby-Joe, its sure great being out here in the woods, hunting again!  
 
Bobby Joe: It sure is, Billy-Bob.  
 
Billy Bob: Yes Sirree Bob!  
 
Bobby Joe: Say there Billy-Bob, would you like a swaller of some of this here wolf juice? It keeps me warm whenever I go hunting, although it does make me feel like howling like a wolf ever time I take a swig.  
 
Billy Bob: Why thank you Bobby-Joe, I think I will sample some of that there wolf juice (pour in cups and take sip...howl a little)…You know Bobby-Joe…We've been best friends for 15 years and I hardly know anything about ya…Except, ya uglier than sin and can shoot a mosquito off my mama's back at 50 paces.  
 
Bobby Joe: Yep, I know. Kind of sad, isn't it.  
 
Billy Bob: Yeah, especially when think about it…That poor fella, allz he wanted waz to partake in a little drink at mama's expense.  
 
Bobby Joe: No, not that!…Ya brainless Horn-toad! I was talking about us not knowing anything about each other.  
 
Billy Bob: Oh!  
 
(pause) Both sign and look bored again.  
 
Billy Bob: (look a little excited) Hey Bobby-Joe! I bet you didn't know this about me…I gots me a girly-friend.  
 
Bobby Joe: Shoot! Say it ain't so…Why I Gots me a girly-friend too.  
 
Billy Bob: No! (making a serious face)…Seriously Bobby-Joe, I gots me a girly-friend.  
 
Bobby Joe: I am being serious! My days of going to the hoe-down with my sister are over! I gots me a girly-friend too.  
 
Billy Bob: Oh!  
 
(pause) Both sign and look bored again.  
 
Billy Bob: Hey Bobby-Joe!  
 
Bobby Joe: (somewhat irritated) Now what?!  
 
Billy Bob: (looking excited again) Lets say a toast to our gals!  
 
Bobby Joe: That's the first good idea you've had all day!  
 
(Lay shotguns across buckets. Pick up cups. Stand up for toast)  
 
Billy Bob: A toast!  
 
Bobby Joe: A toast!  
 
Both (ITS IMPORTANT THAT BOTH HICKS SAME THE TOAST TOGETHER): To my gal, Ruby Mae Bagonia!  
 
STOP. Give each other very strange looks. PAUSE.  
 
Billy Bob: Bobby-Joe, isn't that fantastic! They both have the same name! Shoot! Who would of believed it! (silly laugh).  
 
Bobby Joe: (Looking a little disturbed) Yeah right. Who'd believe it.  
 
Billy Bob: Well, don't pay that no never mind Bobby-Joe…Lets just do this toast.  
 
Bobby Joe: Right.  
 
Billy Bob: A toast!  
 
Bobby Joe: A toast!  
 
Both (ITS IMPORTANT THAT BOTH HICKS SAME THE TOAST TOGETHER): To my gal, Ruby Mae Bagonia! With the one RED eye and the one GREEN eye.  
 
STOP. Give each other very strange looks. PAUSE.  
 
Billy Bob: Shoot! Not again! Who'd think it! Best friends with girly-friends with the same name, and the same pretty looks. Don't ya love them eyes at Christmas time!  
 
Bobby Joe: As long as theys lookin at me! Billy-Bob, I'm starting to not like this toast idea.  
 
Billy Bob: Bobby-Joe, get a grip! You're trying to think too much. Lets just do this here toast.  
 
Bobby Joe: (Looking a little more disturbed) Okay. Okay.  
 
Billy Bob: A toast!  
 
Bobby Joe: A toast!  
 
Both(ITS IMPORTANT THAT BOTH HICKS SAME THE TOAST TOGETHER): To my gal, Ruby Mae Bagonia! With the one RED eye and the one GREEN eye. With the BRAIDED armpit hair.  
 
STOP. Give each other very strange looks. PAUSE.  
 
Bobby Joe: WAIT A MINUTE! I know my Ruby Mae's armpit hair is braided!  
 
Billy Bob: Well so's mine! (pause) I braided it myself! (Pause) Stop you're whining and keeping a toasting.  
 
Bobby Joe: Okay! But I'm a thinking…That this here toast…Could hurt our friendship!  
 
Billy Bob: Maybe so. But my Daddy always said - Finish what you start! (pause)  
 
Billy Bob: A toast!  
 
Bobby Joe: A toast!  
 
Both(ITS IMPORTANT THAT BOTH HICKS SAME THE TOAST TOGETHER): To my gal, Ruby Mae Bagonia! With the one RED eye and the one GREEN eye. With the BRAIDED armpit hair. Who RIDES the PAINTED PONY SIDE SADDLE.  
 
STOP. Give each other very strange looks. PAUSE.  
 
Bobby Joe: Now that does it Billy-Bob! I can't takes it no more!  
 
Billy Bob: Bobby Joe, you just stop them fighting words! You ain't the only one who's starting to get an itchy trigger finger. But if your Rudy Mae is like my Ruby Mae…Than you wouldn't be "a-thinking" what you're "a-thinking"! My Ruby Mae would never cheat on me!  
 
Bobby Joe: (Somewhat angrily) I guess you're right, Billy-Bob! My Ruby Mae would never cheat on me either. (Aside to the audience) Especially with someone like Billy-Bob! Snort!  
 
Billy Bob: A toast!  
 
Bobby Joe: A toast!  
 
Both (ITS IMPORTANT THAT BOTH HICKS SAME THE TOAST TOGETHER): To my gal, Ruby Mae Bagonia! With the one RED eye and the one GREEN eye. With the BRAIDED armpit hair. Who RIDES the PAINTED PONY SIDE SADDLE. Down at the LONE-STAR SALOON off INTERSTATE 81 In BRISTOL.  
 
STOP. More strange looks.  
 
Both: (Together) The LONE-STAR SALOON off INTERSTATE 81 IN BRISTOL! WHY, YOU DOG YOU!  
 
Pick up shotguns and SHOOT EACH OTHER. Fall down to the floor holding cups…near buckets, but barely alive. (PAUSE)  
 
Billy Bob: I'm sorry Bobby-Joe! I can't believe it. We can't end it this way. We've been friends too long. Bobby-Joe, We's gots to finish this toast!  
 
Bobby Joe: Billy-Bob, I'm with ya buddy! Lets do it.  
 
Billy Bob: A toast!  
 
Bobby Joe: A toast!  
 
Both: To my gal, Ruby Mae Bagonia!  
With the one RED eye and the one GREEN eye.  
With the BRAIDED armpit hair.  
Who RIDES the PAINTED PONY SIDE SADDLE.  
Down at the LONE-STAR SALOON off INTERSTATE 81 In BRISTOL…  
 
Bobby Joe: VIRGINIA (and dies…looks up and kicks bucket…dies again)  
 
Billy Bob: (Look dismayed) TENNESSE (kick bucket and dies)  

Equipment

Costumes for Billy Bob and Bobby Joe, two rifles, two goofy hats, two buckets, two paper cups, and jug. For intro, music helps - try "Beverly Hills Billy" theme song.

Preparation

Works best if players rehearse at least once before the actual show.

Skit ContributorMichael Kohout

Score

How would you rate this item?

Click here to report possible copyright violations.

Find Skits

Contain the word

Were entered

Editor's Picks only