You Were Lucky!
Skit

 

Action

Start music - "Little Rascals". Slim-Jim, Billy-Bob, and Bobby-Joe: carry out table, three chairs, pitcher of water, and cups (and scripts, of course). Music fades.  
 
Slim-Jim, Billy-Bob, Bobby-Joe: - grumble about carrying their own table and chairs in the restaurant. "Must be a cheap restaurant if you gots to carry your own table and chairs!"…  
 
Slim-Jim: Billy-Bob…Bobby-Joe…I can't hardy believe it. Here we are again. Same old Bowie…Same old truck stop…Same old booth. Nothing ever changes.  
 
Billy-Bob: Don't say that! Its been 30 years but we've got a lot more now than we ever had back then.  
 
Bobby-Joe: Why 30 years ago today…You were lucky to have a glass of buttermilk…  
 
Slim-Jim: A glass of buttermilk?!…You were lucky!  
 
Bobby-Joe: Lucky?!  
 
Bobby-Joe & Billy-Bob: Yes, lucky!  
 
 
 
Slim-Jim: Why 30 years ago I was lucky enough to have a glass of dirty water…  
 
Billy-Bob: A glass?!…You were lucky!  
 
Slim-Jim: Lucky?!  
 
Bobby-Joe & Billy-Bob: Yes, lucky!  
 
 
 
Billy-Bob: Why we used to have to drink our dirty water out of a rolled up newspaper…  
 
Bobby-Joe: A newspaper?!…You were lucky!  
 
Billy-Bob: Lucky?!  
 
Slim-Jim & Bobby-Joe: Yes, lucky!  
 
 
 
Bobby-Joe: We had to suck our dirty water off a wet cloth!  
 
Slim-Jim: From a cloth?!…You were lucky!  
 
Bobby-Joe: Lucky?!  
 
Billy-Bob & Slim-Jim: Yes, lucky!  
 
 
 
Slim-Jim: We were lucky enough to suck pond scum off the edge of the lake. But we were happy in those days. Even though we were poor.  
 
Billy-Bob: Because we were poor!  
 
ALL: RIGHT!  
 
Slim-Jim: My father always said that money can't buy happiness. Even though he died a poor beggar.  
 
Billy-Bob: Right he was! Why we were happier when we had nothing. We lived in a house with great big holes in the roof. (Hold up hands to show size of holes and look stupid…shouldn't be too hard for ya)  
 
Bobby-Joe: A house?!…You were lucky!  
 
Billy-Bob: Lucky?!  
Slim-Jim & Bobby-Joe: Yes, lucky!  
(Both Slim-Jim & Bobby-Joe: throw a little water…from cups…in Billy-Bob's face for emphasis!)  
 
 
 
Bobby-Joe: We all lived in one room…26 of us! And that was tough since we didn't have any furniture.  
 
Slim-Jim: A room? You were lucky!  
 
Bobby-Joe: Lucky?!  
 
Billy-Bob & Slim-Jim: Yes, lucky!  
 
 
 
Slim-Jim: We used to dream of a room. We lived in a hole in the ground with twigs as a floor. But it was home to us…Me and Bertha-Jo.  
 
Billy-Bob: A hole in the ground?!…You were lucky!  
 
Slim-Jim: Lucky?!  
 
Bobby-Joe & Billy-Bob: Yes, lucky!  
 
 
 
Billy-Bob: We lived in a septic tank, in the middle of the dump, with rotten fish as a floor. We loved it! (Pause) And we didn't have any air freshener either!  
 
Bobby-Joe: A septic tank?!…You were lucky!  
 
Billy-Bob: Lucky?!  
 
Slim-Jim & Bobby-Joe: Yes, Lucky?!  
 
 
 
Bobby-Joe: We used to dream of so much room. We lived in a shoebox- all 39 of us. And we liked it! We were grateful!!  
 
Slim-Jim: A shoebox!! You were lucky!  
 
Bobby-Joe: Lucky?!  
 
Billy-Bob & Slim-Jim: Yes, lucky!!  
 
 
 
Slim-Jim: We used to live in a thimble - all 54 of us at the bottom of the lake and then we had to walk 10 miles to school in the pouring rain!!  
 
Billy-Bob: 10 miles in the pouring rain?!…Why you were lucky!  
 
Slim-Jim: Lucky?!  
 
Bobby-Joe & Billy-Bob: Yes, lucky!  
 
 
 
Billy-Bob: Why we used to have to run 30 miles to school every morning in a blizzard! Uphill!…BOTH WAYS!  
 
Bobby-Joe: A blizzard?!…You were lucky!  
 
Billy-Bob: Lucky?!  
 
Slim-Jim & Bobby-Joe: Yes, lucky!  
 
 
 
Bobby-Joe: We had to get up at 4 AM to do our chores and then we had to sprint to school over a bed of hot coals in our bare feet!  
 
Slim-Jim: 4 AM! - YOU were lucky!  
 
Bobby-Joe: Lucky?!  
 
Billy-Bob & Slim-Jim: Yes, lucky!!  
 
 
 
Slim-Jim: Why we used to have to get up TWO HOURS after we went to bed AND WE LIKED IT!  
 
Billy-Bob: Two hours after you went to bed?!…You were lucky!  
 
Slim-Jim: LUCKY?!  
 
Bobby-Joe & Billy-Bob: Yes, LUCKY!!  
 
 
 
Billy-Bob: We had to get up a half hour before we went to bed…and for breakfast, all we had was hot gravel!  
 
Bobby-Joe: Hot gravel?!…YOU were lucky!!  
 
Billy-Bob: Lucky?!!  
 
Slim-Jim & Bobby-Joe: Yes, LUCKY!!  
 
 
 
Bobby-Joe: Why we had to eat cold gravel for breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner!  
 
Slim-Jim: Breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner?! You were Lucky!!!  
 
Bobby-Joe: Lucky?!!!  
 
Billy-Bob & Slim-Jim: YES, LUCKY!!  
 
 
 
Slim-Jim: We only had ONE MEAL every 2 YEARS! (pause) And if we's was late ONE MINUTE, WE HAD TO WAIT ANOTHER TWO YEARS FOR THE NEXT ONE!!  
 
(Slim-Jim hits table with hand!)  
 
(Billy-Bob hits table with hand!)  
 
(Slim-Jim hits table with hand, a second time!)  
 
(Billy-Bob starts to hit table again, but holds back and starts to scratch his head…pointing out to the audience and all around he says…  
 
Billy-Bob: You know what's wrong with all these people out here today fella's?!  
 
Slim-Jim: Yeah, I know what…  
 
Bobby-Joe: Yeah, I know what it is!  
 
Billy-Bob: They all had it too easy!  
 
Slim-Jim & Bobby-Joe: That's right!  
 
ALL - Slim-Jim, Bobby-Joe, & Billy-Bob: Because You's Were LUCKY!!! (pointing all around together)  
 
AUDIENCE: LUCKY!!!  
 
Slim-Jim, Billy-Bob, & Bobby-Joe: YES, LUCKY!!!!  
 

Equipment

Table, three chairs, pitcher of water, paper cups and scripts, of course. For intro, music is good - try "Little Rascals" theme song.

Preparation

Works bests if players read and practice skit at least once before the actual show.

Skit ContributorMichael Kohout

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