Modern Pilgrims & Indians
(Optional) cardboard cutout of boat, construction paper pilgrim hats, construction paper Indian headbands.
5 Pilgrims are rowing towards the new world. They are met by 4 Indians. PILGRIM 1. We've been rowing this boat for 4 months now -- even my callouses have callouses! PILGRIM 2. I definitely need a vending machine. PILGRIM 3. I definitely need a bathroom. PILGRIM 4. Hey, isn't that a rock over there? Yes, it IS a rock! Land ho! PILGRIM 5. Thank goodness! I wonder what kind of place this is, and who lives here. Pilgrims step out of boat and lay down oars. Indians approach. INDIAN 1. How. PILGRIM 1. Does that mean "hello" in your primitive speech? INDIAN 2. No, he's asking how you got here, dully dressed strangers. Don't they have color where you come from? [Turns and speaks directly to audience.] And they call us primitive? PILGRIM 2. Sure we have color -- we just don't believe in it. Listen, we've been paddling for a while to get here and, frankly, we're pooped. I don't suppose you have any food you could loan us? INDIAN 3 [eager/goofy]. Are you kidding? We've got corn bread, corn on the cob, corn flakes, corn meal, popcorn, corn oil, corn chex, corn nuts, corn pone, and corn curls! INDIAN 4. Thanks a lot, Dances with Corn. You should hear his corny jokes. PILGRIM 3. I think we just did. INDIAN 1. If you're feeling perky, we could go hunt some turkey. PILGRIM 4. What's a turkey? INDIAN 2. Big bird. Many feathers. Really stupid, but tasty. PILGRIM 5. After 4 months of rowing I'm not sure we're up to hunting smart birds, but stupid birds we can probably handle. Can we join you for a hunt? INDIAN 3. And then you can join us for a feast! We'll have roast turkey and corn, and then afterwards we'll challenge you turkeys to a Nintendo competition. ALL PILGRIMS [looking confused]. Nintendo? What's Nintendo? Indians smile knowingly. INDIAN 4. Come into my tepee, palefaces. I have a feeling you're going to like it here in the New World!
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