Black Knight


Black Knight


Knight swords and costumes would be nice, but could be done without.


Narrator: Who sets up the story. The Black Knight: Evil "jokester" who desires to destroy all of King Arthur's knights. Five Knights of the Round Table: Played by Cub Scouts/Boy Scouts One Innocent Villager The Scene: An open field in the countryside, where The Black Knight is standing, holding his sword, scowling angrily and waiting for someone to come along so he can pick a fight. Five Knights of the Round table are seen in the distance, approaching. They slowly close in as the Narrator begins the story...


Narrator: Once, in the days of Camelot, an evildoer known as The Black Knight decided he would personally fight and defeat every Knight in King Arthur's Court. He was such a mighty warrior that he had managed to defeat all but five of the Knights of the Roundtable -- and those final five were fast approaching to face him. But something strange was about to happen. Merlin the Magician, who had grown weary of the noise of battle, and of The Black Knight's endless boasting, cast a spell that made it impossible for any Knight to kill another with a sword or any other weapon. With the spell in place, only one thing could cause a brave Knight to fall -- laughter. The Black Knight new the spell had been cast, but he remained determined to defeat all comers and destroy the Roundtable… The First Knight approaches: "On your guard, Black Knight!" The Black Knight: Ho there! Say, when a knight is killed in battle, what do you suppose they write on his tombstone? First Knight (taken aback): Uh… I dunno… Black Knight: Rust in peace! The First Knight looks stunned, then slowly, as he gets the joke, begins to chuckle and then to laugh out loud. Hahahahaha! He clutches his heart and drops dead. The Second Knight steps forward: You killed my friend! I will destroy you! The Black Knight: I'd love to fight you, brave knight… But first - What did the dragon say when he saw St. George approaching? Second Knight: Um… Hello? The Black Knight: He said, "Oh no! Not more canned food!" The Second Knight bursts into laughter, clutches his heart, and falls down dead. The Third Knight approaches: You've killed TWO of my friends! You'll die for that! The Black Knight: Yes, I'm sure I will… But wait, what do you call a mosquito in a tin suit? Third Knight: Hmmmm… Is this a trick question? The Black Knight: A bite in shining armor! The Third Knight slaps his thigh, laughs out loud, and falls dead onto the growing pile of bodies. The Fourth Knight approaches: You fiend! You're killing all the Knights of the Round Table - and you're not even very funny! Prepare to die! The Black Knight: Prepare to laugh! What king was famous for writing a lot of books? The Fourth Knight (deadpan): I don't know. The Black Knight. King Author! The Fourth Knight scowls, without laughing. The Black Knight: Oh, a tough guy, eh? OK, what does King Arthur watch on TV every evening at six? The Fourth Knight scowls silently. The Black Knight: The knightly news! The Fourth Knight scowls, then begins to snicker, and finally laughs out loud. "You win!" He shouts, then clutches his chest and falls dead on the pile. The Fifth Knight approaches – by the look on his face and the way he moves as he rides/walks, it is clear that he is not very bright. He raises his sword – he is holding it upside down: Duh... On guard? The Black Knight: Enough of this silliness! Prepare to die! Tell me, why were the early days of history called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights! The Fifth Knight looks confused, but says nothing. He does not laugh. The Black Knight: Why did King Arthur have a round table? So nobody could corner him! The Fifth Knight lowers his sword and scratches his head: Hmmm, I never thought of that... The Black Knight: But is it funny? The Fifth Knight: Whadd'ya mean? The Black Knight : Dough! You ignoramus! What was Camelot famous for? The Fifth Knight: Gee, I dunno... The Black Knight: It's knight life! Get it? "Knight," like a knight in shining armor? It rhymes with "night," like in nighttime... The Fifth Knight just looks confused: Can we fight now? The Black Knight (getting desperate): What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight? Sir Render. Get it? "Sir Render." It sounds like "surrender..." The Fifth Knight: Are you saying you won't fight me? Are you chickening out? The Black Knight: No, no, no! Focus, concentrate will you? THIS IS A JOKE! It's supposed to be funny! Now listen closely -- Why was the knight afraid of a bug? The Fifth Knight screws up his face in concentration, trying r-e-a-l-l-y hard to get the joke. The Black Knight: Because it was a dragonfly! Like a dragon, get it? Flying... A dragonfly! The Fifth Knight (his face lit up because, at last, he "gets it"): He's afraid of a dragonfly because its like a dragon, flying... Oh say, that IS funny! Hahahahahahahahaha! The Fifth Knight clutches his chest, spins around a few times, and falls dead on the pile. The Black Knight: What a dolt! But at last, I have defeated all of the Knights of the Roundtable! I am victorious! Camelot is mine! An innocent villager strolls by, crouching low and trying to sneak past the boasting Black Knight without being seen. The Black Knight (in a booming voice): YOU THERE! The Innocent Villager: Do you mean M-m-m-m-e? The Black Knight: Yes you, you idiot! Tell me where a hungry warrior can go around here to find a hot plate of food on a cold, dark night like this? The Innocent Villager: You might try the all night diner... The Black Knight: The all night diner! Like it's open all night, OR it could be ALL KNIGHT, like all the knights go to eat there, so the crowd is always ALL Knights... I get it! Now THAT'S funny! Hahahahaha! The Black Knight clutches his heart, spins around, and falls dead on the pile of bodies. The Innocent Villager squeals and runs away...


The Unknown Scout


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